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Name: Old Bill
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ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS A CONSERVATIVE GOP AND PATRIOTIC DEMS

      At  this  'most wonderful time of the year'  this old man's thoughts turn wistfully to the happy anticipation of   Christmas  Day!....and, like all good girls and boys,  Old Bill  can't resist the urge to run home from the library after finishing my homework  (yes,  Old Bill has homework too,  kids) take pen in hand (you remember what 'pens' are don't you, kids?  You don't? Never mind---they were a low-tech ink dispensing stylus used to make marks on paper representing alpha-numeric symbols in place of a printer; I thought you might have handled one in elementary school, but never mind---Old Bill is sometimes very, very old)---where was I?  Oh yes--take pen in hand and, excitement gleeming in my eyes, compose the letter Old Bill sends every year, without fail, to the North Pole, to---SANTA CLAUS!  
     And what should Old Bill ask from Santa this year?  Old Bill is a great believer in asking for what you really, really want---you never know:  if you ask for something very nicely, with respect and courtesy, and without shouting and jumping up and down and screaming over and over like some people do ['OBAMA! OBAMA! OBAMA!'---of course, they did get what they wanted; or did they???  Hmmmm...]---if you ask for something not just for yourself, but for something that's good for everyone in the whole world, you just might find it in your Christmas stocking on Christmas Morning.  [Ooops...Old Bill is receiving an instant message from someone, maybe the ACLU or PAW--People for the American Way--demanding that Old Bill replace 'Christmas' with 'Xmas' so as not to offend someone, they don't say exactly who.  Who could 'Christmas' possibly offend?  Somebody who hates 'Christmas'? Somebody who hates 'Christ'?  Somebody who hates Christians?  Osama Bin Laden? Lakshmi E Turaiba? Fanatic Moslem Christmas haters like Anjem Choudary?  Some of the leftist Democrats who demand that 'Christmas' be replaced with 'Festivus'?  They don't say who is offended, but they sure are angry...].  
     Old Bill has had some luck with his CHRISTMAS  letters  to Santa in the past: like 1975, when I asked Santa to bring me a dead Mao Tse Tung and an end to the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution; 1977, when I wished for the overthrow of the Gang of Four and the execution of Madame Mao Tse-Tung, the 'White-Boned Witch of Beijing';  1988, when I asked Santa to 'tear down this (Berlin) wall', since Gorbie hadn't obliged President Reagan yet; and 1989, when I asked for the overthrow of the Soviet Union, and 1990 when I asked Santa to please, please, help the good little boys and girls all over the world by driving the Communists out of the Duma in Moscow, with tanks and cannon to burn down the damn building if that's what it took--I asked Santa for all these goodies not just for me to have fun with, but to share with everyone in the whole world--sharing is caring, you know--and look what happened: every Christmas wish came true within the next year!  As  somebody once said,  always wish for whatever you really want most in the world,  because nothing is too wonderful to come true! 
    
So, with a lifetime full of so many presents and precedents, you can understand why I am not overwhelmed with despair this Christmas, but instead full of the joyous optimism and hope---hope for change---that always epitomizes the Christmas Season.  Therefore, it is with sparkling eyes and light heart that I take ink-dispensing stylus in hand to pen this missive to my favorite saint, Nicholas the Jolly, and make these humble requests for the Year of Our Lord 2009---not just for me to play with, but to make happy everyone on our whole great big Ecosphere-Bearing Planet Earth!  First, because it is the most important thing that everyone on Earth needs, I ask, as I do every year, for Worldwide Peace, Freedom, and Goodwill among All Men---and of course, All Women too, as well as any hermaphrodites who may be out there. 
     Second, because it is so essential to acheive the first, as well as being a good idea in its own right, I'm asking Santa to send us all the one thing we need most:  A COURAGEOUS, CONSERVATIVE,  REPUBLICAN PARTY!! You know---a Republican Party led by people more like Ronald Reagan than Richard Nixon, more like Barry Goldwater than Nelson Rockefeller.  More like Bobbie Jindall or Michael Steele than George Bush Sr. or George Bush Jr., more like Rush Limbaugh or Sarah Palin than Colin Powell or  John McCain.  A Republican party that asks what is in the best interests of all 300+ million American citizens and legal residents, and not what is in the best interests of the country-club bipartisan billionaire elite loosely known, until recently, as the 'Eastern Liberal WASP Establishment' which, with the exception of the Reagan years, has effectively dominated both parties' domestic political agendas since they defeated the Taft Republicans to nominate Eisenhower (R) and Stevenson (D) in 1952. 
     A Republican Party dominated by politicians who want to be elected to office as part of a conservative majority so they can guide America safely in a dangerous world by adhering to timeless principles that lead to success for a nation or a family---principles such as individual responsibility  and a work ethic, both in school and on the job, not expecting special favors and lower standards for admission, hiring, promotion or a contract because of race, class, ethnicity, gender, 'sexual orientation' or because they are, so help me, 'Too Big to Be Allowed to Fail' (translation: because they have made enough campaign contributions and other pay-offs to feel entitled to unlimited access to the public treasury). 
     A Republican Party open to anyone willing to work loyally and energetically for the victory of Republican candidates, but not dominated by people---usually hiding behind the label 'moderate'---who share the vision and values of big-spending, 'grow the government' leftists and who seek only a place at the Washington table for themselves personally so they can get a few crumbs in contracts and 'earmarks' for their family, contributors and cronies back home, content to play perpetual 'me-too' non-oppostion party to the government-owning Democrats. 
     A Republican  Party more interested in growing the whole American economy, for the benefit of all Americans, by reducing taxes and the burden of socialistic regulation so that more successful Americans can start businesses, create jobs, operate at a profit, keep more of their profits, grow and expand their businesses creating more jobs and higher wages by producing things people all over the world will want to buy because they are the best,  and can afford because they aren't outrageously espensive.  
     A Republican Party willing---no, eager---to stand up and fight, vocally, politically and financially, for fundamental principles of civilized society such as: freedom of adults to engage in private sexual relations without interference by the government, while defending the definition of the institution of marriage as between one man and one woman, and defending the lives of unborn babies who cannot, because of their lack of money and the ability to make phone calls, retain attornies to defend, in court, their right to be born--alive. 
     These are positions passionately supported by huge majorities of the American people of every group and region, and opposed only by truly tiny minorities who constitute, however, a majority among some communities of ideological leftists ranging from upper-west side Manhattan to the California ACLU.  The GOP must be led by people who are not intimidated by those leftist ideologues, or who fail to see the necessity of preserving the monogamous heterosexual marriage as the basis of family life which has been the social basis of the most succesful civilizations, and particularly of women's rights, for thousands of years.  
     We need a Republican Party that will fight for lower taxes, starting with making the Republican tax cuts of the last decade permanent, and totally eliminating the 'death tax' that destroys so many small businesses and the families---owners' and employees' alike--who depend on them. 
     These measures would, furthermore, stimulate economic recovery and eventual growth in tax revenue, just as in the Reagan Boom '80s; and make no mistake, we will eventually need a huge increase in federal government revenue, in order to finance the huge increase in American military power---back to the level of forces which enabled us to win the Cold War without having to fight a gigantic hot war with millions of deaths---which will be necessary to deal with the variety of threats to ourselves and our allies and others who depend on the United States of America to preserve world peace in their local neghborhood. 
     In short, we need a GOP that will not merely seek office in order to perpetuate the careers of a lot of politicians who have grown up running as Republicans in Republican districts, and who are perfectly comfortable going along with the ill-informed, often leftist and even downright socialist policies of the Democrat Party, but which will insist on promoting an agenda which will ensure Americans' freedom, safeguard our property, territory and lives, and establish justice---not just racial and gender justice, but all kinds of justice for all kinds of people---just as we are enjoined to do in the preamble to the Constitution.  This will be what people today call a conservative party, even though in 1960 it would have included John Kennedy.  Dear Santa, please send me one. 
     But that's not all.  Like Oliver Twist, I want more.   A democratic society allows all kinds of people to express their opinions, and a democratic political system allows all kinds of people (except convicted felons) to form political parties and seek office.  Therefore, there will inevitably be not only a party dedicated to small government and proven polices like free private enterprise, there will also inevitably be a party appealing to that portion of the electorate who want a government as large, centralized and powerful as possible---call this the 'Big Government Party". 
     Since 1933, this has been the dominant faction in the Democrat Party, and since 1972 it has been not only dominant but monopolistic in its control of the Dems, excluding such people as Zell Miller from any real role except as local vote-getters in conservative districts.  This 'Big Government Party' is also a powerful faction in the Republican Party, as evidenced by such politicians as Nelson Rockefeller, Richard Nixon (remember wage and price controls?), Geo. Bush Sr. ("Read my lips--no new taxes!"), Geo. Bush Jr., (McCain-Feingold censorship of political speech and ads, 'No Child Left Behind' from Mssrs. Bush and Kennedy, government-purchased drugs for seniors thru Medicare, amnesty for alien invaders, etc.). 
     But at least the Big Government Republicans have not hesitated to fight our enemies and defend our country---witness the Patriot Act, the Bush (Jr.) Doctrine of Preemptive Attack on our enemies, surveillance of our enemies financial and electronic communications (betrayed to our enemies by leaked articles in the New York Times), detention of captured enemies at Guantanamo and interogation by whatever means were necessary to find out what they knew and thus keep Americans and our allies safe.  The Republican leadership, even under George Bush Jr., has been patriotic in their determination to protect America and Americans even at the expense of their political popularity with the Democrat-dominated drama, academia, media and arts communities and the resulting loss of control of Congress.  These Republican politicians have demonstrated their loyalty to our country, not merely with words, but by their deeds.  Wisdom has, in some cases, been lacking or late in coming, but patriotism and loyalty have not been in doubt. 
     The leaders of the Democrat Party, who have opposed the above policies so demonstrably necessary to our survival, let alone our welfare, have, in contrast, repeatedly leaked information that has given aid and comfort to our enemies, for the purpose of gaining a temporary  political advantage by embarassing the United States.  This is not consistent with either patriotism, loyalty, or wisdom.  Except for a brief period after Sep. 11, 2001--a few months, really---the Democrat Party political leaders have never missed a day without doing something to retard, harass, denigrate and teach people to despise our war effort and the men and women of our armed forces who mount it.     
     Who can fail to recall such gems as Congressman Murtha declaring, before they had had any trial, that 9 Marines were 'guilty of cold-blooded murder' [Was he there? What made him so certain?].  Of course, they were subsequently acquitted at trial.  Or Senator Harry Reid declaring that the War on Terror was 'not a real war, just a bumpersticker', and that our war against terrorists in Iraq was 'lost'?  Such pronouncements, from sitting members of Congress, could not fail to give comfort---and thus aid---to our enemies.  And these are only a few examples of thousands.   
     What America needs, if we are to prosecute successfully the war begun by the Al Quaeda attack on the World Trade Center---the attack in 1993---is a Democrat Party and a Republican Party which  will place all calculations of electoral advantage aside in defense of America---our people, our territory, our ships, planes and businesses, our constitutional freedoms and our sovereign independence. 
     Only when we have two parties equally and totally dedicated to our defense, equally patriotic, equally in touch with the reality that we are under deadly assault by wicked enemies, and will be so until they are all tracked down and killed, and their supporters frightened into abandoning their war against us---only then will we be able to win the war against the Islamo-Fascist Terrorists, and achieve, if not Permanent World Peace, at least a temporarily peaceful world. 
     So Santa Claus, please bring me what I'm wishing for so hard this Christmas: a genuinely conservative, energetic Republican Party, and a sincerely patriotic, loyal, realistic Democrat Party.  Then I and all my fellow Americans can start to win the long, hard fight for Prosperity, Freedom, and World Peace. 
     Of course---as I lean back from my computer keyboard and reach for a hard, half-empty mug of cold hot chocolate, and watch my kid race past me to take his friends to the mall in the used hatchback he just bought himself, and as I check the actions on my latest Christmas presents to myself---an assault rifle and an automatic pistol---before loading them in the 4-wheeler and heading for the desert to do some Christmas-eve target practice (a long tradition in Old Bill's family) I am forced to remind myself---as I do every year---that, really, there is no Santa Claus.  Anything we want for Christmas, we are going to have to make and provide for ourselves.
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WHY WE MUST VOTE FOR McCAIN AND THE GOP

     Life is full of many duties and dilemmas.  For most of us, choosing between two candidates when we don't really like either one is a dilmma, and many of us feel like saying 'The hell with 'em both! A pox on both their houses!'  Some of us don't even want to go to the trouble of going to the polls when the candidate of our party, or the one we normally vote for, is repugnant to us. But this is a mistake.  Always. 
     Someone once said that war is politics carried on by other means; come to think of it, it was Karl von Clausewitz.  If this is true--and it is--it follows that politics is also war carried on by other means, and sometimes by the same means.  War is a struggle for mastery over others, posession of their property and the power to kill them, on one side, and resistance to this aggression on the other side.  Politics, when conducted by decent people in a democratic system, abjures these goals and confines itself to the contest for positions in government which allow the winner to make policies and decisions that decide the law and the future for all the people in the country. 
     As long as everyone agrees to limit the power of the government over the people, and accepts the principle that people have inalienable rights that government must respect, the contest for these positions is limited to a struggle for control of the government's money and the goodies that go with high office.  But when someone refuses to recognize the limits on government's power and insists that government has the right to do anything it can persuade a judge to approve, or a majority of  legislators to vote for, without limit, then we are in trouble. 
     Arrogant politicians may even attempt to rule by fiat without even a legislative majority.  As George Stephanopolis said of Pres. Bill Clinton's use of  executive orders in wholly outrageous ways: "Stroke of the pen--law of the land--kinda cool."  We must remember that as George Washington said, "Government,  like fire, is a dangerous tool, and a fearful master." 
    We are thus confronted with a  dilemma far more serious than merely the question of which party will get the goodies for the next  4 years; our lives, our children's lives, and our nation's future are all at stake in this and every election.  We dare not indulge ourselves in a fit of anger because our party failed to nominate its best candidate. We must ask what is likely to happen, what might happen, if this or the other man is elected.  Too much is at stake to stay at home and cut our nose off to spite our face. 
     The differences between McCain and Obama are huge and obvious.  One man has proven his devotion to our country and his willingness to sacrifice any personal safety or advantage in order to do his duty to defend us and the freedoms which the United States represents.  His courage cannot be questioned.  His loyalty and decency are undoubted. 
     Obama, on the other hand, is a man whose own autobiography testifies to his affinity for those who were Marxists or who identified themselves as rebels against American society and its historic values, while embracing a fundamentally racist philosophy in the 'Black Liberation Theology' of his spiritual mentor of 20+ years, Jeremiah Wright--a racist dogma still embraced by his successor at the Obamas' church in Chicago, the Trinity United Church of Christ. 
     Obama openly proclaims his intention to redistribute wealth among Americans, and between Americans and the world, denouncing us for "...driving SUVs, eating whatever we want, and keeping our thermostats set at 72 degrees...".  He berates Americans who he accuses of '...clinging to their guns and religion...' as though those were traits of evil, and further slanders them by accusing them of being racists and xenophobes. 
     This politician, the product of the corrupt Cook County Democrat Party machine whose infamous vote-fraud in 1960 stole the election in Illinois, and thus the USA for John Kennedy, now plans to treat all America to a repeat of election fraud on a grand scale, as evidenced by the massive voter-registration crimes committed by his old ally and employer, ACORN.  This is a real threat not just to our foreign and economic policies for the next 4 years, but to our very democratic political system, now and forever. 
     We Americans of all parties or no party must turn out tomorrow and ensure the election of a president and a Congress who will respect our constitution and our rights, and who understand the real dangers and enemies that threaten us not with mere rhetoric, but with real and deadly weapons, and who dream---as Ayatollah Ahmedinejad of Iran has admitted---of "...a world without the United States of America...".  
     This is the President of Iran who Barack Obama is eager to talk to without any preconditions, blithely assuring us that "...Iran is a small country..." that can do us no harm--even as he stands idly by while allowing them to acquire atomic bombs.  
     For all these reasons, and dozens besides, responsible voters will turn out to vote for a leader and a party who will respect our rights and protect us for the next four years---years during which we patriotic conservatives must take over the GOP and make it a party which will nominate a true 'Reaganesque' conservative in the future.  Likewise, patriotic liberals must take back the Democratic party from the America-hating leftists who now run it, and nominate, in four years, a patriotic liberal, whether a 'Humphry' or a 'McGovern'.  This is our American duty.
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HOW TO STAY ALIVE---AN EMERGENCY LESSON PLAN FOR A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER

    I created this lesson plan with 9th-12th grade kids in mind (age 14-17), but it can be easily adapted to people from 8-80; read on. 
     As my first attention step, I wrote on the board: "HOW TO STAY___________"  and addressed the class, in my most school-marmish prissy voice, 'Now, children, what can I possibly teach you in only 45 minutes that will be the most important lesson you can ever learn in your entire life, and that will benefit you every day for the rest of your life???'  I then point to each word in turn with whatever pointer is available, and intone "HOW--TO--STAY--what?  How to stay what?"  Invariably, because they've all heard this before, someone, or even all of them, will drone out the politically correct, therefore inevitable response: 'How to stay IN SCHOOL'.  Whereupon I slash the air with the pointer stick, or stamp my foot, or something equally unexpected, and give out a pained yell: "NO! NOT HOW TO STAY IN SCHOOL---SOMETHING MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT!  THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN LEARN IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE---'how to stay ALIVE!!!'  After all, you can't graduate if you're DEAD can you?'   This always gets their attention big-time; it's the first indication they have that this sub won't be just another drone with another boring lecture which they can safely ignore; at least, they're not sure they can safely ignore. 
     Whereupon I write on the board, in LARGE letters, the following: 
                                HOW TO STAY ALIVE  
 1)KYE
 2)BAE
 3)BPE
 4)AST
 5)ABP 
     Now, the mere fact that these letters are not accompanied by any explanation serves to heighten the students' curiosity, and may attract some of them even to put down their cell-phones and i-pods; some of them, anyway.  I proceed to explain the five rules of survival (by the way, no one can remember more than five of any arbitrary rules, no matter how important: can you recite, in order all Ten Commandments?  Moses should have advised God to leave out 5, and he would have had a better shot at actual compliance). 
1) KYE---This does not stand for 'Kill Your Enemies'; it means 'Know Your Environment'  Now, what should you know about your environment that will actually help you stay alive?  The carbon cycle? Perhaps, but I have more immediate survival threats in mind.  The first thing you should learn is where the dangers are, and where the sanctuaries are--places you can go to be safe, or at least in less danger than on the street. 
     First of all, learn who all the bad guys are in your neighborhood, and how to recognize them in other places where you don't know them personally.  What do I mean by 'Bad Guys?'  Just what you think I mean--violent, dangerous criminals.  People who would be happy to hit you on the head and knock you unconscious just to steal enough cash to pay for their next dope deal, either as buyer or seller.  Or just hit you for kicks--there are all kinds of Bad Guys.  This means Gang Bangers for starters.  You all know what they look like, how they dress and the kind of tattoos they wear--so learn to pay attention to people's appearance and stay away from the ones who might rob, rape or kill you.  Avoid places where they hang out; here's a tip: you'll never find them in the library. 
     Next, find the places where you'll be safer, especially if some Bad Guys are chasing you.  This means find out all the places that are open late at night, especially if they're open all night, and especially if they always have lots of people around.  Of course, not all people are equal--well, they all have equal rights, but they're not all the same, which means you can't count on everyone to help you when you show up running and screaming because someone is chasing you trying to kill you.  Find the places in your "'hood" where there are likely to be  people who will actually try to protect you--people who will, and can, actually fight and save your life from some armed murderers.  In other words, find all the places where there are Good Guys with guns, like security guards, gunstore owners, all night store-clerks, cab-drivers (sometimes) and above all, COPS. 
     Now, once you know these places of (relative) safety, what do you do if you have to run to one, with a couple of Bad Guys chasing you some night (or afternoon)?  Well, first you have to get there ahead of the Bad Guys, so get plenty of exercise to build up your legs and lungs (like soccer or basketball) so you can RUN--running is 90% of self-defense.  Somebody once said "War is running, both in attack and defense--when you can no longer run, you're dead."  That somebody was a combat infantryman.  When you get there, and you race through the door, it helps if the people inside know you---but what if they don't?  How do they know you're not a Bad Guy yourself, come to rob them?  Look at yourself:  How do you dress?  Baggy pants?  T-shirt and Pendleton? Hoody zipper jacket?  You look like a gang-banger yourself.  Think about it. 
     So, when you get to a store or someplace you hope is safe, make it clear as soon as you enter you're a Good Guy:  Yell something like: "The guys chasing me are gonna rob you!" or "The guys chasing me are killers! Call the cops!"  This will identify you as a Good Guy, not one of the Bad Guys right behind you, and may save your life. 
     Next: as soon as you can, throw yourself on the floor (without hurting yourself, if possible) and try to get out of the line of fire.  If the Bad Guys have guns, as they often do, and if the store-clerk or security guard has a gun (as you hope he does), there may be shooting.  As Clint Eastwood once said, in the character of Police Inspector Harry Callahan in 'Dirty Harry': "I don't mind a little shooting, as long as the right people get shot."  Just be sure you don't get shot.  Here's a tip: to move quickly as possible while staying as low as possible, don't crawl on hands and knees: ROLL.  I know it sounds weird, but it works--try it.  They even teach it to soldiers in the army. 
     Finally I ask the kids to tell the class every place they can think of where there are usually gang-bangers hanging out, or where there's a Good Guy with a Gun on a regular basis (hint: try inside a bank; it's surprising how seldom kids realize this).  Also make special note of firestations and sporting goods stores that sell guns, like Turner's or Big 5; they often have managers who have a gun available.  
2)BAE---Be Alert Everywhere  
     Be alert? Huh? What? Did somebody say something?  Who are those guys walking this way? How come they're lookin' at me like that?  What's he mean, the one sayin' "Hey! Where You From?!" Is he talkin' to me?  Why's he wanna know where I'm from, he don' even know who I am?  Maybe he's talkin' to someone else, if I ignore 'em they'll prob'ly just walk on by....
     Remember: Survival depends on Alertness.  Clint Eastwood, in another excellent training film for contemporary urban living---"Fistful of Dollars" (1963) wisely observed: "We live in a world where a man's life often depends on a mere scrap of information."  
     I always point out to my students that even today, in an age of radar and computers, the combat pilots of every airforce in the world are still taught a rule that was invented with the very birth of aerial dogfighting by the combat fighter pilots of World War One, and this rule has remained the most important principle of survival for combat pilots--and ground soldiers too, for that matter--ever since.  It's simply this: never go more than 30 seconds without looking around--all around, 360 degrees--and seeing what's there.  Fighter pilots call this 'checking 6', referring to the area directly behind them as 6 o'clock.  Do this all the time, in the air and on the ground, until it becomes second nature, a constant habit for life.  It just may save your life. 
3)BPE---Be Polite to Everyone 
     Naturally we should be polite to nice people, because they deserve it.  And it's equally important to be polite to mean, nasty people because being polite to them may just save us a broken nose.  This is especially true of gangbangers and anyone else we suspect may actually be a dangerous, violent thug.  So remember: always be polite to jerks and a__holes, just as you would be to nice people; the teeth you save may be your own. 
     Some people think being rude or snotty to someone proves how tough they are; this is a misconception fostered by too many Hollywood movies and TV shows.  Actually, all it proves is that they know how to be rude and snotty.  Now, some people are such jerks that they actually deserve to receive a rude or snotty comeback to their obnoxious insulting behavior.  Nevertheless, do not deliver it.  Remember what I said about teeth.  Dental implants are ridiculously expensive, and not covered by most medical insurance. 
     Now, being polite to mean people does not mean being submissive or weak.  I have a friend who is a retired police officer.  When he used to confront people who were determined to give him a hard time, either verbally or physically, he would explain to them, very patiently and politely, why he had to do whatever he had to do, addressing them as 'Sir' or 'Ma'am', and then he would explain that he was going to use whatever degree of force was necessary to do what he was legally required to do, and if he had to, he would arrest them, handcuff them, and take them to jail.  If they assaulted him and injured him, they could be sure they would wind up in the hospital, and after being treated, they would still go to jail.  He didn't say this to act tough, but simply to get them to think long enough to calm down and restrain themselves. 
     Most of us have it a lot easier than cops.  We can simply walk away from a dangerous thug who's looking to start a fight without being derelict in our duty.  All we have to do is call 911 and report what we saw; and you might want to say 'Thank you' to the next cop you see on the sidewalk. 
4) AST---Always Stick Together 
     This happens to be the Girl Scout Motto.  It's also the fundamental principal of every army in the world.  The Army calls it 'tactical unit cohesion'.  It means you never go anywhere alone if you can get someone else to go with you, and whenever you are with someone else, whatever happens, you face it together and fight together as a team to defend each other. 
     Martial arts schools teach self-defense, but are usually negligent in teaching teamwork; even such sports as football, basketball and even soccer teach men to work together as a team in combatting their oponents, as, of course, does every army in the world.   The Army calls this 'small unit tactics', the Police call it 'Special Tactics' as in 'Special Weapons and Tactics'.   Bad Guys call it 'gangbanging'.  It is essential to survival in combat.  
     In an old movie---'The Wild Bunch' (1965)---William Holden, playing a gang leader, lectures his 'homies': "When you side with a a man,  you stick by him--if you can't do that, you're just an animal---you're finished---if we can't do that, we're all finished."   What is true for gangs, is also true for Good Guys; and as a matter of fact, it is also true for nations. 
5) ABP---Always Be Prepared  
     "Prepared for what?" I would ask the class; "Prepared for anything." I would then explain that they should make it apoint to take classes that would teach them how to deal with any emergency: first aid, CPR, earthquake preparedness, as well as martial arts, including fencing and shooting.  Since they cannot prevent Bad Guys from making physical attacks on them---as the saying goes, 'Stuff Happens'---they have to prepare themselves, physically as well as mentally and emotionally, to be able to deal with any kind of crisis before it actually happens to them.  That is why the Boy Scouts adopted this as their motto.  The more merit badges, the better.
5)ABP
 
5)ABP---
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9-12: AMERICA FIGHTS BACK; WHY WE MUST, WHO WE ARE, WHY WE WILL WIN

     After the vicious attacks on America that were carried out on 9-11, 2001, Americans of all types---all races, all regions, all ages, all genders, all classes and occupations and even all political parties, were united in the determination to find the evildoers who had come here to murder us, and destroy them.  This was a good thing, and it would be a good thing if this same determination existed today; in fact, it actually does, but unfortunately the passage of time and the refusal of our nation's professional memory--our news commentators, journalists, academics, artists of all types and political leaders (at least those of the Democrat party)--to remind us of what happened, and inform us accurately as to who our enemies are, and what we must do to defeat them, have sapped our national will of the passion it possessed in, say, December 1941 which drove us to defeat Nazi Germany, Imperial Japan, Fascist Italy and Vichy France and fascists all over Europe and the Middle East in the next 45 months. 
     It's true that we had powerful allies: the British Empire, the Soviet Union, Natonalist China--but it's equally true that without America participating to the very limit of our strength, as a united people, the Axis would have won the war, and most of the Allied peoples would not have survived to give birth to us, their descendents.  In the aftermath of 9-11, many governments around the world expressed their sympathy for us, and many people all over the world were shocked and outraged at the cruel nature of the terrorists who had launched their war on America.  It is also true that many people around the world, and many governments privately, were delighted to see Americans leaping to their death from the flaming wrecks of the World Trade Center, and to see the American economy in ruins as uncertainty gripped th world about the future of America.  The wealthy elites of the world sold America short--literally. 
     When we moved against our enemies only a few months later, overthrowing the Taliban regime in Afghanistan which was one of the main backers of Al Quaeda and its principle training base, we surprised not only Osama Bin Laden and Mullah Omar, but the world as well.  Our enemies, and even our friends, had thought that distance and proximity of powerful hostile nations such as Russia, Iran, Communist China and Pakistan would prevent any meaningful American retaliation.  As so often in the history of foreign elites dismissing the American People, they were wrong. 
     However, even the overthrow of the Taliban and the eviction of Al Quaeda from Afghanistan were not sufficient to impress all of America's enemies with their own vulnerability to American power, and hence forestall their schemes to unleash more vicious, murderous attacks on the American People. 
     We must remember that the wellspring of anti-American terror since the end of World War Two has been double in nature, coming from both the Marxist/Communist world, and from the world of the Islamo-Fascists, both the religious-fanatic terrorist side of Islamic Society, and also from the largely secular Arab governments willing--no, eager--to make common cause with the Communist world and with the Islamist religious fanatics in order to gain the support of both for their own despotic and brutal regimes.  Thus, e.g., the socialist Baath regimes in Syria and Iraq have supported various terrorist groups of all political and ideological stripes ever since coming to power in the 1960s, in order to deflect the murderous activities of these groups away from themselves and toward a hated foreign scapegoat--first the British Empire, then Israel and the Jews, and more lately us--the Americans. 
     Thus, whatever happened to Al Quaeda and  the Taliban, it did not seem to threaten the main homeland of anti-American Islamo-fascist terrorism: the middle east heartland of the Arabs and the Persians.  Accustomed to think of themsleves as infinitely superior to the backward and poverty-stricken Agfghanis, the regimes in these countries  supported the likes of Hezbollah, Hamas, the Islamic Brotherhood, Al Fatah, the PFLP, Abu Nidal and Ansar Al Islam---the latter two the special guests and creations of the Iraqi Baath Regime right up until 2003.  They also supported a hundred other alphabet-soup terrorist fronts created by Arab and Iranian government largesse and patronage, based in their territories, and acting as de facto agents of these regimes with the advantage that they could claim to be autonomous, and hence serve as classic cut-outs for the terrorist war they waged. 
     This war was directed against the United States and Israel in particular, but also against the West and Infidels in general--remember the attacks in Europe in the 1960s and '70s?--and satisfied not only the ideological and pathological hatreds of the murderers themselves, but also the need of the terror-sponsoring regimes to portray themselves as fighting against the foreign, infidel scapegoat who they could then blame for every domestic ill of their sick societies, from endemic poverty to brutal police-state repression.  It was all justified, so the argument went--and still goes--to protect the Arab/Moslem homeland against such evil Western Cultural Imperialism as sexy Hollywood movies and the Idea of Democracy.  And it kept the young fanatic Islamists on the payroll killing Americans and Israelis instead of leaving them loose to attack  the apostate local elites. 
     This strategy still obtains in places like Syria and Lebanon and Saudi Arabia, Egypt and Libya, with only one modification:  since the American invasion of Iraq in 2003 and our subsequent overthrow of an anti-American warmonger tyranny waging war against the USA since 1991, the other Arab regimes, and even the hyper-terrorist state of Ayatollah Iran, have been careful not to sponsor terrorist attacks on the USA and our embassies and tourists abroad, out of fear of the consequences; no one wants to bet his life that Pres. Geroge Bush Jr. will not retaliate effectively against such direct attacks on America and Americans. 
     What they have done instead is to go to Iraq to wage Jihad against the Americans--and Americas allies--there; a war they are losing, and one which we MUST win.  Only when the last anti-American, anti-democratic jihadi in Iraq is dead, and there are no more recruits to replace the 'martyrs', and a democratically elected Iraqi government is in place and destined to remain so for the forseeable future--only then will the USA be clearly the victor in this phase of the war against our enemies in the Islamo-Fascist Movement. 
     With this victory we will advance one giant step closer to defeating this threat for the next century, and securing our lives and our homeland for that length of time.  Will this step alone be sufficient to declare victory and bring the boys home?  No.  There are many more campaigns to be fought and won.  And we, the American People, will fight them and win them--the alternative is the destruction of the United States.  Think I exaggerate?  Think again, and remember: One Nuclear Bomb Can Ruin Your Whole Day. 
    Historically, ruling elites and the regimes they control have looked upon war as something of a game--Clausewitz observed that war was merely the continuation of diplomacy by other means.  And in the monarchical Europe of which he was a part, war had been long characterized as the 'sport of kings'.  Diplomacy, indeed, was undertaken not in the interest of the masses--what was their interest but peace, freedom and prosperity?--but in the interest of their sovereign lords, the kings and princes who not only ruled, but owned them.  How many wars, someone once mused, ahd been fought merely to provide some petty German princeling with a better view, from his palace window, of the Rhine?   In such a culture, war was resorted to whenever the ruling elite--King and his court--found it politically advantageous to distract the people from their poverty and lack of freedom, and concntrate their attention on a supposed foreign threat. 
     It is precisely this sick and cynical frame of mind and political culture which prevail today in most of the Arab and Middle-Eastern world, including Iran, and it was in keeping with such a mind-frame that these rotten regimes have waged their proxy-wars by terrorist cut-outs against the western peoples, against Israel, and lately against the United States and the American People.  In their sick worldview, no ruling elite should mind much if another ruling elite finds it expedient to murder a few thousand of their neighbors citizens with a terrorist bombing or twenty, in order to make himself and his entourage of thieves more politically secure in their own state; after all, what are peasants for, but to provide the cannon fodder for a ruling elite to secure itself in power? 
     It was this kind of world which our ancestors, even as recently as WWII or last week, sought out this country to escape--the huddled masses of foreign shores, yearning to breathe free, and be not cannon fodder, but cirtizens of a democratic republic, choosing their own leaders, forcing the government to defend them, all  of them, because they know that the life of even the least of them is just as precious as the life of any son of any dictator.  It is because the American People are such people, and have such a concsious determination that they will defend themselves and their children and their country against any attack, that they demand victory over our enemies who come to murder us, and it is for this reason, fundamentally, that we will win this war, as we have won all others that threatened us, no matter how long the struggle, or how convoluted the path to victory and safety.  We Are Americans, and we will not tolerate defeat!
 
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9-11, HATRED OF AMERICA, HUMAN DECENCY, KILLING OUR ENEMIES, AND THE PRESIDENCY

    Today we solemnly remember those of us who were brutally murdered while peacefully going about their business, working, supporting their families, contributing to mankind, on this day seven years ago.  Across our land, politicians seek to use this day to promote their own careers, as politicians always have done and always will do, and some of them also seek to  steel us to our duty as Americans and as human beings who do not wish to see such horrors visited on ourselves, our children, or anyone anywhere ever again. 
   We can generally divide our political leaders into two groups: those who use this day to mourn the dead, and bewail the evils of the human spirit that could lead to such 'tragedy', and those who in addition to bewailing the failings of mankind in general name the specific perpetrators of this particular atrocity and demand, or better yet promise (if they are in a position, or seek a position, which will allow them to fulfill the promise) to annihilate the murderers who committed this crime, this assault, this act of war against the American People. 
     By 'annihilate', I mean to kill the people who participated in the attack, or in the preparation for the attack, or in the instigation of the attack--specifically including all those who slandered the United States and the American People in such a way as to encourage anyone to believe that such an act of mass murder, such an act of war, against the Americans was justified--as well as those who, in the aftermath of the attack, gave shelter to the enemies of the United States, or assisted them in any way to prepare for further attacks on us, including by continuing to slander and libel the American Nation and the American People. 
     You see, slander is not a victimless crime.  Indeed, before any great number of people can be murdered, it is almost always necessary for them to be slandered and libeled until they are hated by enough people to recruit an army to perform the necessary butchery.  This is why people like Ward Churchill and Jeremiah Wright are morally guilty of the deaths of the human beings who were slaughtered in the 9-11 attacks, even if they did not participate in preparing them; their lifetime of denouncing America and Americans as "little Eichmans" (Ward Churchill) or proclaiming that the mass murder of thousands of Americans by fanatic America-hating terrorists was merely "chickens coming home to roost" (Jeremiah Wright) was part and parcel of the century-long slander of America by the world-wide Leftist Movement that inspired such hatred of America and continues to breed it today, and will result in further attacks, further murders of innocent Americans tomorrow, and for generations to come. 
     Slanders such as these, comparable--and often identical--to the infamous 'blood libel' of Jews which permeated so many countries for so many centuries, led to the Jew-Hatred which culminated in the massacre of 6 million European Jews in WWII; the pathological hatred of America and Americans in the minds of so many people around the world, is equally irrational, equally evil, and unless we stamp it out, may ultimately lead to equally gigantic masacres of innocent Americans.  How many Americans would be killed by a nuclear 9-11? 
     The first duty of government--any government--is to protect the public health and safety.  Providing free education, unemployment benefits, subsidized medical care for the poor and the old, free public housing for indigent families--these are all nice, if you can afford them,  but they must take second place to protecting the public against criminals with knives, clubs and guns, and protecting the entire nation from enemies with bombs, jet airliners, anthrax, and especially black-market atom bombs. 
     Now, it doesn't require a Ph.D. in Political Science, or International Relations, or Middle Eastern Studies to figure this out; in fact, given the political prejudices of most of the faculty in most American university departments purporting to teach these disciplines, it may even be easier to figure this out if you haven't been drilled for 6-12 years in grad school by the kind of Marxist professors Barack Husein Obama declares in his autobiography were his favorite teachers and best buds when he was in college and law school.  All it really takes is normal intelligence, which most people in this or any country possess, plus basic human decency, which is an equally critical, and perhaps less common attribute. 
     It is this basic human decency and the moral outrage to which it gives rise, when witness to such horrors as the Americans throwing themselves out of the World Trade Center windows in order to avoid burning to death, that led Pres. George Bush Jr. to wage unrelenting war on those who have started the  War  Against America which we are now defeating. 
     This basic human decency, an attribute of nearly all Americans of whatever category, is what leads them to demand that our leaders--starting with the President and Congress--defeat our enemies who make war against us, whether here or abroad, and it is this basic human decency which means that we Americans will not tolerate any government which fails to protect us.  That is why our next president doesn't have to be a lifelong expert in foreign affairs; just someone whose basic human decency ensures their belief in our fundamental right to defend ourselves against anyone who comes to destroy us.


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OLD BILL ENTERS THE TOTAL PERSPECTIVE VORTEX TO CONCEPTUALIZE THE ELECTION

     As those of you who have read 'The Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy' know, when someone enters the Total Perspective Vortex, they instantly comprehend the nature and relationship of every part of Existence to every other part of Existence.  Of course, they still retain their own Free Will, and this includes the free will to view things from their own personal point of view.  Thus, when Ford Prefect--the elected President of the Inter-Galactic Federation--a powerless empty suit selected by the truly powerful Hidden Ruling Elite of the Universe to serve as their mouthpiece and front man--enters the Vortex, he concludes, based on his own interpretation of the Total Universe of Knowledge revealed to him, that he is, in fact, the Most Important Creature in the Universe.  In other words, Knowledge can always be trumped by Stupidity and Egomania. 
     I ask you to bear this in mind as you read this and other columns by all the other 'experts' whether in the Blogosphere, or in the worlds of so-called 'journalism', 'academia', 'government' or 'business'.  As a matter of fact, you can throw in the world of anointed clergy, whenever they venture out of their  own realm of expertise--the theology of their own church--and offer pronouncements on, well, anything else at all.  Of course, when they comment on the theology of their own church, their announcements generally are authoritative, at least when they all agree.  Sorry Nancy. 
     Having offerred this caveat, I now proceed to remove my quotidian garments, don my Encounter Suit, and risk my sanity by stepping through the Temporal Portal into the Total Perspective Vortex where I will inspect the significance of the American Election of 2008---STAND BY!----
     Well, it's done.  Just let me catch my breath....OK, here it is: if you're a typical American citizen, or even a typical American legal permanent resident, or even if you're just here on a legal visa as a student or tourist or businessman or whatever, your primary concern is to see that the government remain in the hands of people who will continue to ensure your physical survival and freedom for the next 4-8 years; second to that, you have to ensure that government remains in the hands of people who will ensure the continued expansion of the American economy at the fastest rate of any developed industrial nation on Planet Earth, as it has done for the past 7 1/2 years (growth of 19% GDP compared with less than half that for European Union or Japan). 
     Got that? You should be concerned to preserve your safety (not peace, note---total peace is found only in the grave), freedom, and prosperity--for Americans, that means a prosperity and freedom unequalled anywhere else on Earth, at any time in history, and very seldom exceeded on any planet in the Universe, ever. 
     Now, who has preserved this safety and freedom and created this prosperity and economic growth?  And who proposes to improve on these achievements, and how? Simply, our freedom and safety have been preserved by the government in office since January 2001, and especially by our armed forces--all of them: military, police, and secret agencies. 
     Admittedly that government made some blunders in the conduct of the war against our enemies, allowing Osama Bin Laden to escape capture in the Tora Bora mountains of Afghanistan because they tried to fight the war on the cheap, and left the gritty ground fighting to allies who were not as motivated, to put it politely, to catch Osama as American troops would have been.  Mistake #1.  Subsequently, our government made a mistake in keeping hands-off in Iraq when rioters and looters ravaged the Iraqi people and humiliated our forces by seeming to defy them with impunity.  Mistake #2.  Mistake #3 was allowing the 'insurrection' of Al Quaeda and Baathi die-hards to get rolling and nearly take over most of the Iraqi population by 2004, rather than sending in a huge 'surge' of American troops in 2004, rather than wait until 2007 to do so. 
     It will be said that the surge only succeeded because the Sunni tribal Sheiks--the real political leaders of most of the Sunni population from which the insurgents recruited most of their fighters and support--decided, in 2007, to switch sides and cooperate with the democratically-elected Iraq government against the insurgents, and this is true.  But it begs the question: why did they change sides? 
     The answer is simply, because we Americans finally convinced them that 1) we were really going to give them their country back, democratic, independent, sovereign, and with all its oil (the insurgents had always claimed this was a lie meant to conceal American schemes to take over the country and its oil) and 2) WE WERE GOING TO WIN, AT WHATEVER COST IN BLOOD IT TOOK TO WIN. 
     Remember, in the days of the 'Baker Report' and the full-scale attempt of the Democrat Party to engineer American retreat and defeat, this was not clear to anyone, even Americans.  Thank God (you should pardon the expression--it's only a figure of speech, not meant to be taken literally) President George Bush Jr. had the guts to fight not only our enemies abroad, but also the Democrat and Appeasement Parties here at home. 
     To give the government to these appeasers and cut-and-run Democrats now will undo all the achievements of the past 5 years in Iraq and Afghanistan, and will not only waste the blood of every American who has fought, bled, and died in this war, but  even more importantly will surrender these two countries once again to our enemies, and condemn thousands, perhaps millions of Americans to death and crippling wounds in the future, both near and far; for this war is not over, not by a long shot--this war which Harry Reid said is '..not a war, but only a bumper sticker!'  
 
     Iran is building atomic bombs, and their leaders have virtually flaunted their intention to use them against 'the little Satan' (Israel) and 'the Great Satan' (US); Al Quaeda and other Terrorist Groups still seek to acquire them from any source they can--Russia, China, Communist North Korea, or the possessor of over 200 'Islamic Atom Bombs'--Pakistan. 
     And what strategy has the Democratic Party offerred to prevent a nuclear attack on the United States by these lunatic warmongers?  Obama has proposed a face-to-face, heart-to-heart chat with Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, the Hitler of the Ayatollahs, to ask him to please not build any atomic bombs--and has flippantly proposed bombing and invading Pakistan, a country whose military and government leaders are at least trying to suppress the anti-Western, pro-Taliban elements in their own population, albeit without much visible success. 
     It may, indeed, be necessary someday--perhaps much sooner than we wish or expect--to invade Pakistan, and establish a peace-loving, genuinely democratic government there.  In any case, one which does not make war against the United States and our allies, or assist those who do.  It may be necessary to remove those 200+ atomic bombs from Pakistan someday.  The circumstances which would make such a war necessary for the sake of Nuclear Peace are not in our control, or even in the complete control of the government in Islamabad.  But if it becomes necessary, do we want to entrust the command of our armed forces, and the safety of our nation and our children, to Barack Husein Obama, the Community Organizer from Chicago, or to John McCain?  (More to follow)
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OLD BILL IS BORED--SO LET'S TALK ABOUT PISTOLS

     I've been listening to the coverage of the conventions till I'll explode if I hear one more trite bit of hyperbole.  I can't bring myself to write anything about the conventions, or even the nominees--you've no doubt heard most anything I might say, anyway.  I'll talk about the election and the candidates tomorrow, but today let's talk about pistols.  Pistols are important.  Anyway, I'm listening to Hugh Hewitt as I write this, and I can only double-task if I put myself on auto-pilot, so guns of some sort are my best bet for a no-thought-required piece of writing. 
     Not that guns don't require thought, mind; guns require plenty of thought, but in my case, that thinking has already been done for so long, and so many times, that I can just let my fingers do the typing, if you know what I mean, while I listen to Hugh educate me about political inside-dope. 
     Anyhow, what's the first thing you need to know about pistols?  If you already are a pistol shooter, especially if you've been a regular shooter for at least 10 years or so (once a week being my idea of regular pistol shooting; most of us don't live where we can shoot every morning in the back yard anymore, or, like my Grand-Uncle John, just open the window and shoot off the bench in his rifle-room at the targets on the fencepost a couple hundred yards off) then you probably know most of this stuff already, so I'll aim my sights, so to speak, at the tenderfeet--or tenderfingers--in the audience, and you old guys just go off and read Small Arms Review or something till tomorrow.   
     Now,  a pistol, to begin by defining my terms, is a firearm designed so it can be fired with one hand--this is it's defining characteristic, and consequently all pistols are small and light compared with shoulder arms, which are all designed to be fired with two hands, preferrably with an ergonomically designed 'stock' pressed firmly into the shoulder. 
    Pistols, therefore, are more easily concealed and carried than shoulder arms, due to their small size and light weight.  This in turn makes the pistol the ideal weapon to be carried by an honest, peaceful, law-abiding citizen for the purpose of self-defense against criminal attack, since the peaceful victim, by virtue of his victimhood, is always caught unxpectedly by the criminal, who has plenty of time to plan his attack.  The criminal can therefore take the trouble to fetch a big rifle or  shotgun, or bazooka if he wants it, wrap it in something, throw it in the trunk of his car--or backseat, if he wants it in a hurry--and go anywhere with it. 
    Famously, Lee Harvey Oswald, the man arrested and charged with the assassination of Pres. John Kennedy, was supposed to have carried the rifle found in the 'sniper's perch' on the 6th floor of the Texas School Book Depository to the building that morning wrapped in a curtain or a blanket, carrying it between his cupped hand and his armpit; when asked what the bundle was, he is alleged to have said: "Curtain rods." 
    Interestingly, it is absolutely impossible for anyone of Oswald's size, or even quite larger, to have carried the rifle in question--a Mannlicher-Carcano 6.5mm Italian Army short rifle, serial number C2766--in this manner, even if it had been disassembled, so the stock could be laid alongside the barreled action (which could not be made shorter than the length of the barrel plus the length of the receiver, or about 30")--if you doubt this, buy an identical Mannlicher-Carcano and try it sometime; I have.  It don't work.   
    When the criminal gets to the scene of the crime, he need only unwrap it, commit his crime, and then throw it back in his get-away car and escape.  The reason more crimes are committed with handguns than shoulder arms is simply that most criminals are dumb, although not dumb enough to get caught, unfortunately. Untold thousands of innocent victims are alive every year because the bad guys trying to kill them were using handguns instead of rifles or shotguns.  Ask any cop if he'd rather be shot at by some punk with a pistol, or the same punk with a shotgun. 
     The honest citizen,of course, never has any idea that he/she is about to be assaulted until it happens; and that is why the self-defense weapon, to be effective, must be carried on the person at all times, or at least at any time the citizen feels they are at risk, which, in a typical big city is almost anytime after you leave home, and anytime you're assumed to be asleep even in your own home.  
    Hence, the self-defense weapon must be available instantly, and therefore must be small and light enough to be carried without even being aware of it, and in these hoplo-phobic times (hoplophobia is an irrational fear of weapons, especially of firearms, and is a recognized psychological disorder) that weapon had better be carried so it's not visible, either. Hence: the absolute necessity of handguns for decent folks to protect themselves and each other.  Not that I'm denying the superiority of the shoulder arm if you can get to it; but usually, the shotgun/rifle/carbine or sub-gun is not where you can get to it in time, even at home, let alone when your wife is attacked in the parking lot at night on her way home from work.  Thank God for pistols!
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EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH WORLD FAMOUS CATHOLIC THEOLOGIAN AND NEW AGE SPIRITUAL GURU MAMARAJ SANFRAN NAN-JI

    OLD BILL IS PROUD TO PRESENT THIS EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH THE FAMOUS EXPERT ON CATHOLIC CHURCH DOCTRINE AND DOGMA, HER DIVINE EXCELLENCE, THE SWAMI-GURU MAMARAJ SANFRAN NAN-JI; MAMARAJ SANFRAN NAN-JI IS ALSO THE HIGH EXALTED ASCENDED MASTER OF THE CHURCH OF NEW-AGE SPIRITUALITY OF BEVERLY HILLS/MARIN COUNTY.
Old Bill: Hello, Miss--eh, Ms.--eh, just how do you prefer to be addressed, Your Swaminess?
Guru Nan-Ji: Just call me 'Your Divine High Excellence'; we can be informal here...
Old Bill: OK...So, Your Divine High Excellence, there's been a lot of talk, a lot of controversy lately, over the actual teaching of the Roman Catholic Church on the issue of abortion, and when life begins, and when the 'ensoulment', to use a Catholic theologian's phrase, of a living human baby--er, fetus--uh, tissue mass?--occurs; so just when, in the teaching of the Roman Catholic Church, do these things, uh, events, happen?
Guru Nan-Ji: An Unviable Tissue Mass becomes a human being when the state government, acting through an agent of the local county government, issues it a birth certificate identifying its place of residence for purpose of assignment of government benefits and tax collection.
Old Bill:  Say what?  Assigns a birth certificate?  The state government?
Guru Nan-Ji: Yes, I know, it sounds ridiculous--the very idea that the ensoulment of a living body should be determined by the issuance of a birth certificate by a state government; obviously, this ought to be done by the central, that is the FEDERAL Government, in Washington D.C.--EVERYTHING important ought to be done by the Federal Government in Washington D.C.; but until we can do something about the damned U.S. Constitution, and reduce the states to mere administrative districts of the Federal Government, like they ought to be, we're still forced to do business through these archaic, decentralized institutions...
Old Bill: So, uh, you're actually saying that life only begins when the government gives someone a birth certificate...
Guru Nan-Ji: Will you please pay attention and stop putting words in my mouth?  Of course not! I said 'ensoulment' occurs when the government issues a birth certificate!  Life begins when the citizen or subject starts actually paying taxes!  Catholic Church teaching is very clear on this, it's called, uh---the Sacrament of Paying the Taxes; it's like, uh that other thing, you know--uh the eucharist, or something--it's very important!  That's why the Catholic church has always taught the importance of the sacred duty, to uh, you know, uh 'Render Unto Caesar'.  Because, uh, paying taxes makes us all better people, and that's why we should all pay as much taxes as possible, the more the better....in fact, there's a very important Catholic Church doctrine about this, the doctrine of, uh...uh..oh yeah, 'DEATH AND TAXES' that's it--the doctrine of 'Death and Taxes'.  That's the doctrine that says, uh, that says life ends with death, so, uh, it begins with taxes.  That's why the Catholic Church teaches, you know, that only two things are inevitable in life--Death and Taxes?  And Taxes are the good part, you see...
Old Bill:  Uh, your high divine excellence...
Guru Nan-Ji: That's 'Divine High Excellence'!  Don't be impertinent!
Old Bill: Your Divine High Excellence...I'm certainly trying not to be impertinent....But, uh, are you really sure about the Catholic Church Doctrine you just said---about life beginning when we pay taxes, not at conception--I'm not Catholic, myself, but I seem to recall reading somewhere...
Guru Nan-Ji: What do I care what you've read!?  What difference does it make what anybody writes?  This is a free country, I've got freedom of speech, I can say Catholic Church Teaching is anything I want to say it is!
Old Bill: But, uh, Your Divine High Excellence---aren't there a lot of people, people in actual authoritatative positions in the Catholic Church, who actually have official Church documents and statements to back them up, who say, in fact,  something utterly different from what you've just said, and, uh...
Guru Nan-Ji: Look, I'm going to make this so clear even a simpleton conservative like you can get it: it doesn't matter what anybody else says, or what anybody else writes, not if they're a bishop, or an arch-bishop, or the Pope himself: what I say is just as good as what any of them say, everybody is entitled to their own narrative, their own interpretation, their own so-called 'facts' as you simple-minded neanderthal idiots put it--Jesus, we're all post-modernists now, haven't you ever been to college?! ?! Haven't you ever read Michel Foucault?!  Why should I have to pay any attention to somebody else's 'facts' when I can make up my own and they're just as good as yours or anybody elses?!  Don't you remember reading Marx's statement that 'the higher truth is whatever moves the revolution forward?!'  Or was that Lenin who said that?  Oh never mind--it doesn't matter who said what! The only thing that matters is what I want to believe, I'm just as important as you or anybody else!!  In fact, I'm more important--I AM WOMAN--HEAR ME ROAR!  Now do you finally get it?!  How dare you try to stop me from saying Catholic Church Doctrine is whatever I want it to be?!
Old Bill: Believe me, Your Majesty, I wouldn't dream of trying....
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FLASH MESSAGE: A GOOD GUY FROM THE GUNSHOW CIRCUIT---TREVOR CANT, THE KNIFE MAN---WOULD LIKE TO CHEER YOU UP

     IF YOU KNOW TREVOR CANT, YOU'RE A LUCKY GUY.  TREVOR IS A SWEETHEART, ONE OF NATURE'S NOBLEMEN.  All the years I've known him, he has been the most consistently upbeat, cheerful, entertaining, downright funny guy I've known.  If you've ever been to a gunshow in the American Southwest in the last 20 years, and wanted to buy a knife, you know Trevor, even if you don't know his name.  He's the old guy with thinning gray hair going to white with a horseshoe set of tables at the end of the aisle covered with every imaginable knife, old, new, genuine original and Chinese knock-off, plus all the other stuff you can only find at gunshows and usually only at Trevor's table--everything from handcuffs and leg irons to hundred-year-old woodsman's cruiser axes for the collector of such stuff. 
     Trevor is the guy who'll always answer your question, no matter how neophyte, or even stupid, and he'll aways be gentle and funny and make you laugh, even if he's teasing you. And he'll always give you correct information, and he'll always give you the best--read lowest--price on anything you can find on any table at the show, if he's got it.  Trevor is the guy who has put up with my stupid questions and my merciless teasing for 20 years, and has never lost his temper, although he has been known to invite other passersby to "Split that guy's head with that Marble's hatchet, will you? He's beginning to drive away paying customers!"  How can you not love a guy like that? 
     For the last couple of years he has been accompanied at the shows by his wife/girlfriend (I've never been sure which) Betty, who has the same droll and raunchy sense of humor, and claims to be the brains of the team.  At least, he trusts her with the cash. 
     Anyway, Trevor has been absent from the gunshow scene for the past 6 months or so, because he has been undergoing a rough schedule of radiation and chemotherapy for cancer, and has been weak as a kitten.  During all this time, Betty has been his constant nurse and companion, and it has been rough on her, too.  I just heard from her today that she has finally had to move Trevor into a professional care facility--the "Little Company of Mary" on Torrance Blvd. in Torrance, Calif. 
     I spoke with Trevor on the phone, and he was all laughs as usual, kidding me about my poor taste in knives and inviting me to come over and sell him some of my rusty old bayonets as he is "the biggest sucker on the block"--he says he hopes to be well enough to make it to the upcoming gunshow in Ventura in September, and I hope he does.  I can always get a better price from him than anyone else at the show--buying of course: I never sell anything; can't bear to part with my precious collection of bayonets and field knives. 
     Trevor needs one thing, though: he says it's boring as hell laying in bed, and he'd love to hear from his many friends from the show circuit, so many of whom don't even know his name, but they all know he's "The Knife Man"---the only 'knife man' at the show.  If you know Trevor--or wish you did--but didn't know his name, well, now you do.  Why not give him a call at 310-991-1463; he'll appreciate it, and you never know--you just might ask him a question about a knife, and get a straight answer--and a laugh.  Trevor likes to kid, and nothing has slowed him down in that department.  Call anytime.  He'll be in.
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A MAN NEVER HAS ENOUGH HOLSTERS

     I just got back from the gunshow a few days ago with, of course, a few new possessions.  Nothing fancy--a few antiques, a bunch of marine corps surplus field harness (perfect for camping and hiking), a couple of field knives and a bunch of cheap old holsters.  Oh, of course I bought half a dozen rifles and shotguns, and a pistol, but I have to wait a couple of weeks to pick those up--damn California Democrats have made it impossible for a man to do business in this state in a business-like manner, even if he has a clean record as can be established in a matter of seconds by anyone with access to a computer.
     The Damn Democrats (I call them this to distinguish them from simple, ordinary members of the Democrat Party such as I used to be--"Damn Democrats" are left-wing fanatic politicians-from-hell who constantly do everything they can to expand government power at the expense of American Freedom, increase taxes without any need or limit, and harass-and-destroy any American who registers as a Republican, expresses conservative values, or owns a gun)  have made it a law in this state that no one may pick up a gun after legally purchasing it, and take it home with him, until the state government has collected a special $25 fee and conducted a 'background check' to make sure he isn't prohibited from legal possession of firearms. 
     Now, I have no objection to a law that prevents Bad Guys (convicted felons, lunatics, America-hating terrorists) from  acquiring arms, but that can be accomplished by maintaining a computer data-base of prohibited individuals that  any police agency, gunstore,--or individual, for that matter--could access in a matter of internet moments.  But in California, the leftist Damn Democrats  have made it a law that no one--however honest, peaceful, and legally entitled--can pick up their gun for at least 10 days after its legal purchase. 
     Now, this is just pure harassment, and damn stupid.  First of all, it means that a perfectly peaceful, entitled American has to wait 10 days after purchasing a gun befor he can take it home to protect himself and his--or her--family. 
     Now, back in 1992, when the last Los Angeles Riot took place, this meant that literally thousands of California Americans were denied the right to effectively defend themselves while riot mobs were rampaging through the streets of their neighborhoods, and the National Guard was unable to arrive on the scene for 4 days due to a screw-up in their mobilization by the state government. 
     No doubt some of the 60+ people murdered in Los Angeles during those 4 days of riot and terror would have been able to defend themselves and not be murdered if not for this damn harass-the-lawful-gun-owner law passed by the Damn Democrats.  Plus no doubt a bunch more would have been able to avoid being raped, robbed or mugged.  But I digress.  I was supposed to be telling you how much fun I had at the gunshow. 
     To begin with, whenever I Go To The Gunshow,  this automatically means I get out of having to do any Honey-do chores around the house and yard.  My wife (God Bless Her) has learned this lesson after many hard years of conditioning: don't get between Old Bill and his Gunshsow.  I will mow the lawn, trim the roses, rake the lawn, edge the lawn, knock out the planter where she wants it removed to widen the walkway, vacuum the floors, and help wash the dishes, but I will not do any of these non-essential tasks while the more urgent work of Attending the Gunshow could be accomplished. 
     After all, Attending the Gunshow is not merely some self-indulgent recreational passtime of mine, it is Serious Business--directly necessary to the defense of our household and family from marauding burglars, drug gangs, and other bandits and Bad Guys.  After 20+ years, I have finally made my wife (God Bless Her) understand this. 
     So it was that this fine August weekend found me at my local gunshow at the Orange County Fairgrounds;  not a large show, but enough to keep me busy for an afternoon--just long enough so that by the time I get home, it's too dark to do any yardwork. 
     My first stop was to take a look at the lovely smoothbore cannon put together by the Civil War reenactors of the Richmond Volunteer Artillery.  This is not an antique, mind, but a brand-new recreation of a Civil War cannon. 
     The originals are scarce and getting scarcer--a lot of them were melted down by local-politician idiots in WWII who wanted to grab a headline by contributing to the scrap-metal drive, and as a result, most of our Civil War cannons did not survive WWII.  The whole tonnage of iron procured wasn't enough to to build one single light cruiser, but the tonnage of ink and paper devoted to lauding the local pols must have been enough to wipe out a forest.  Anyway, the result is that genuine Civil War cannons are now worth huge amounts of money--$50-100,000 is common.  So if your uncle in Pennsylvania has one out in the barn, be nice to him and ask him to will it to you, as a lawn ornament, because the value is only going up, trust me. 
     I've been meaning to join a Civil War artillery reenactor unit, just haven't made the time.  The great fun of joining, of course, is that you meet a lot of regular guys who like to go out to the desert and fire guns and  blow things up--two of my favorite passtimes.  The reenactors like to fire their cannon at targets like white rocks and junked cars; the junked cars are best, because they have wheels and if you're careful, you can tow them away after a day's shooting without even having to put them on a flatbed trailer; and of course, it's a kick the stares you get from the folks you pass on the way back home. 
     The old Civil War muzzle loaders are the best cannon for target shooting in the desert, because all you need for ammunition is black powder and round shot, you don't have the trouble of finding legal, non-explosive ammunition the way you do for a modern cannon.  Cops get awful nervous about people driving around with live ammunition for a modern cannon, especially the high-explosive rounds.  You have to have all kinds of special licenses and permits, and then you have to find a place where you can fire off a cannon without endangering anybody on a firing range 3, 4, 5 miles long.  And the ammo is awful expensive.  All things considered, the old muzzle-loaders are your best bet. 
     But I do wish I could get ahold of an old towed 75mm M1897 howitzer; my Uncle Bill used to get a glow in his eye when he told me how he and his crew could put a round from one of those old guns into a truck at 5 miles, first shot; of course, Uncle Bill did exaggerate sometimes. 
     They had a new reenactors bunch at the show this time, some guys dedicated to preserving the traditions--well, at least the weapons and uniforms--of the Soviet Red Army of WWII; you remember, when they were--briefly and reluctantly--our allies, and hence officially Good Guys, at least for the duration.  They had some excellent displays, including a whole panoply of Russian WWII small arms, including PPSH-41 Shpagin and PPS-43 Sudarev submachineguns, some Degtyarov DP-28 machine rifles, and of course Moisin and Tokarev rifles and Tokarev automatic pistols.  They also had a WWII era Ford Jeep, and a bunch of guys in genuine Russian 'Great Patriotic War' uniforms. 
     Why a Ford Jeep?  Have you forgotten that the USA supplied a huge quantity of war materiel to the Soviet Union from 1941-45? As a matter of fact, the USA supplied about 20% of all the war materiel issued to the Soviet Red Army in WWII, via our Lend-Lease program which sent all kinds of equipment into Russia by three different routes: first, overland through Iran into south-central Asia--Azerbaijan, Georgia, and thence on to the Russian armies on the fighting fronts.  
     Second, across the North Pacific, where, even during the height of the American-Japanese fighting in the Pacific, the Japanese allowed marked American tranports to carry supplies to the Russian base at Vladivostok for shipment to Europe via the Trans-Siberian railroad.  This was in keeping with the Japanese-Soviet Treaty of Mutual Friendship that held right up until the Soviets attacked the Japanese in August, 1945.  And third, the horrendous 'Murmansk Run'. 
     Never heard of the 'Murmansk Run'?  Just shows what a lousy job our schools are doing of educating the American people to understand the world we live in.  When I matriculated through the Los Angeles Unified School District in the 1960s, I had to take a history course every semester from 7th grade through 12th; today, to graduate, a student needs to take only one semester course in American History, and one semester course in World History--no wonder our voters don't know where "Georgia" is--the one whose capital is Tbilsi, not Atlanta.     
     Anyway, the Murmansk Run was the sea route from American and British ports through the North Atlantic into the Arctic Ocean, past Norway, past Spitsbergen, past Tromso Fjord and the German Kriegsmarine and Luftwaffe, all the way to the Russian port of Murmansk.  In these waters, even on a clear day with gorgeous blue skies, the temperature fell to 40-50 degrees below zero fahrenheit, and with a 30-40 mile-an-hour wind across the deck a man could be injured simply by letting his bare skin touch metal.  Men crammed below decks lit fires in trash cans to try to thaw out their frozen clothes, shivered and caught pneumonia, and died befor their ship made port.  And that was in addition to the Germans. 
     I don't know how many ships were lost in four years, how many tens of thousands of men died carrying arms to our Russian allies, but I ought to--we all ought to learn such things, and never forget them.  The Russians, both under the Soviet Regime and now, were never taught these simple facts--not even during the war.  Some things never change.  But back to the gunshow. 
     I don't really like to haggle with people over prices, but that's the game at the show--at least, if you're not rich, and I'm not.  I wander down the aisle, looking for something I might use someday--something I might need desperately, like a spike bayonet for my Enfield Rifle, or a tactical assault vest. 
     The assault vest won't be used for any assaults, just camping, but it's perfect for the role.  Lots of pockets, and straps for attaching more pouches than you can count; a civilian backpack is good for carrying a lot of stuff into a base camp,  but when you go out on a short day-hike or hunt you don't want to carry everything with you, so you leave the big pack in camp and just take what you need. That's when a pack vest, with all its  pockets and pouches, really fills the bill. 
     I see a guy I know, a surplus dealer, with a pile of old roughed-up vests.  He's got a sign on them: Pack Vests, $5.  Now this is down from $10 at the last show, so he must really be sick of lugging these old things around; I'll get back to him later. 
     Then I see something I Must Have: a genuine old police Sam Brown belt with two matching (left and right-hand) holsters for a pair of 4" .38 revolvers.  Now, as all you show-goers know, it's hard to find a pair of matching, identical, left-and-right-hand holsters, and when you do, they're nearly always on a western Buscadero-style rig meant for a pair of Colt Peacemakers. 
     I hate the Buscadero rig--it was designed in Hollywood, for looks, not in the Old  West for use, and it tends to ride too low on the waist for security, wanting to bounce up and down if you run; plus, the holsters themselves cannot be adjusted fore-and-aft, so unless it was custom-made for you, it's likely not to fit just right; and finally, the holsters will flop up-and-down like a windmill in a hurricane unless you tie them down TIGHT with the leather thongs provided to go around your thighs. 
     These damn leather thongs are uncomfortable as hell if you tie 'em tight enough to hold down a heavy Peacmaker, especially in hot weather, and anyway it takes three minutes to untie 'em when you take 'em off; another damn nuisance, and the reason most folks will just forget the thongs, and walk around with the holsters flopping against their thighs with every step.  It's this that makes movie cowboys walk slow, not  congenital hip displasia; walking slow is the only way to keep those damn holsters from flopping up and down. I hate the Buscadero. 
     The Sam Brown rig, on the other hand, is perfectly functional, allowing the wearer to adjust the holsters fore-and-aft to fit his style of draw, and securing the belt right on the waist where it belongs so it stays put whether you're walking, walking fast, riding in a squad car, running, or climbing over a 6' fence and jumping down on the other side.  Which is why the cops like it.  The holsters can hang as low as you want, or ride as high as you like, since the holsters are separate from the belt and you can pick whatever style you like, for whatever gun you carry.  I love the Sam Brown rig. 
     Well, here was a b-e-e-a-u-t-i-ful old Sam Brown, in good shape, hardly more than broke in, no cracks or dried-out leather, with at least a good 20 years of daily wear left in it, and the fellow at the table has a tag on it that says "$20".   I pretend not to see the tag so I can look it over good, then say to the fellow: "How much for this ol' thing?", a note of mild disgust creeping into my voice.  He doesn't even look up: "There's a tag on it." "Oh," says I.  Then, digging deep into my pocket I pull out a beat-up old billfold, and open it so he can see the contents: a couple of supermarket coupons, a credit-slip from  a used-book store, and a single, crisp $10 bill. "'Fraid that's all I've got left--want it?"  He glances, shrugs, and takes the $10; I buckle on the Sam Brown and stride down the aisle a happy camper. 
     Now, of course, the only problem is, I don't have any 4" .38 revolvers that would fit these new holsters; but that, of course, is just the point: now that I have the holsters,   I simply have to find and purchase a pair of 4" .38s; otherwise, the belt and holsters will be wasted, see?  I can't wait to get home and explain this to my dear, sweet, long-suffering wife, (God Bless Her).
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TO PROMOTE WORLD PEACE, LET'S RETURN TO THE ORIGINAL SPIRIT OF THE OLYMPICS

     Nothing is more important than WORLD PEACE; therefore, the Olympics cannot possibly make any more important contribution to mankind than by promoting WORLD PEACE.  This would be a noble goal, and one which I'm sure everyone would say they supported, and can probably be conned into contributing money toward, if they have any left over after contributing to Al Gore to buy carbon credits for the cash-deprived who can't afford to buy their own carbon credits. 
     It would also be in keeping with the original spirit of the Olympics ever since they were established back in 776 BC--oops, that's 776 'BCE' (Befor Common Era) not 'BC' (Befor Christ)--must use the politically correct term, mustn't we?  As you know, every year, during the Panhellenic Games, of which the Olympics were one part, the Greeks called a nation-wide truce during which all war ceased, befor, during, and after the games, in order to allow the games not only to occur, but in order to allow athletes, spectators, merchants and promoters to travel safely to and from the games.  This way, everybody could make out. 
     Not only was it a welcome respite from bloodshed and pillage, but it allowed the entrepeneurs to make some windfall profits which were no doubt sorely needed to pay taxes and allow governments all over Greece to finance armies and graft.  The more things change, the more they remain the same, nicht wahr?  We moderns have failed utterly to force our governments to respect this ancient principle of the Athletic Truce, and it's time we started doing so. 
     For a start, we could insist that Al Quaeda cancel all terror bombings and beheadings during the Olympic Games, and for the week preceeding and following the games, just to show their repect for the principle of the Athletic Truce and good sportsmanship.  As a further display of good will and good sportsmanship, and to prove their appreciation of PEACE AND GOODWILL,  the Palestine Liberation Organization and its core terrorist group, Al Fatah, could apologize for the 1972 massacre of 11 Israeli Jewish Olympic athletes and several German policemen during the 1972 Olympic Games in Munich, Germany. 
     We peace-loving people of planet Earth could go further by calling on  the Taliban to abandon their policy of banning soccer and other recreational sports as 'incompatible with the Koran' (a position rejected by most Islamic scholars in nearly all Islamic sects, but enforced with ruthless brutality by the Taliban when they ruled over the 25 million human beings in Afghanistan, befor those human beings were liberated by the armed fighting men of the United States of America and a few of our allies, such as the British and Canadians).  During the Taliban rule in Afghanistan, the Kabul soccer stadium was used only for mass entertainments, such as public beheadings and the stoning to death of people convicted of adultery or homosexuality. 
     The Olympic and other Panhellenic Games were used by the various Greek city-states as a venue to display the might and prowess of their athletes and thus, of their fighting men in general, in hopes of inspiring among their neighbors and enemies a healthy respect for their physical attributes and martial abilities, in the hopes that sufficient prestige might deter some fools from launching a war--the theory being, "Don't mess with the best, or you'll die like the rest!"  Not a bad  idea, and one which still works, if you can get people to pay attention. 
     The schedule of events in the original Olympics was devised precisely to enable the Greek city-states to impress each other with their military power, compare their own military skills with their neighbors--always a subject of great interest to war-planners---and  encourage the soldiery to train when they weren't actually at war.  Thus, the events centered around track and field: various races of various distances, because as somebody once said "War is running, both in attack and defense--when you can no longer run, you're all dead men!".  The climax of these running events was the quarter-mile in full battle panoply--a full suit of armor, plus shield, spear, sword and dagger, thus duplicating what was expected of every hoplite (armored warrior) at the command "Charge!"  If a quarter-mile sprint sounds easy to you, try it in this get-up sometime, in a Greek summer. 
      Also on the card were the horse-races, both mounted modern-style, and the ever-popular chariot race.  Needless to say, these were directly taken from the syllabus of military manuevers, and the chariot race in particular was nearly as deadly on the track as on the battlefield; many a charioteer wound up crippled or dead. 
     Next were the field events, and these were exclusively battle-inspired.  Jumping and vaulting were military skills of absolute necessity, as a soldier had to be able to, well, jump or vault over any obstacle on the battlefield,  whether a stone wall, wooden fence, spike-filled ditch, flaming barricade, or simply a pile of dead bodies and crippled horses.  You never know what you'll find on the battlefield, but it's always nasty and has to be traversed swiftly. 
     Then there were the throwing events: discus, shot, 'hammer' (actually ball-and-chain), sometimes a literal hammer, and of course the javelin.  The discus is an elegant weapon, capable of reaching a greater range than even the javelin, and suitable for launching in tight spaces, unlike the ball-and-chain, which facilitates use by masses of throwers in formation.  Since it tends to fly aerodynamically it usually hits edge-on, maximizing the damage to the victim.  A well-thrown dicus could take a man's head right off his body, even if he was wearing a helmet, and of course would do as well for an arm or even a leg.  The shot had less range, but  would batter a man wearing heavy armor, breaking his bones even if  it failed to penetrate the armor, the ball-and-chain and hammer naturally  did the same, and the javelin was capable of penetrating more armor than any other weapon a man could carry, even penetrating through a shield and breastplate and still skewering a man through the chest and out the back.  I've never read of archery being included in the Olympics, but I can't believe there weren't archery contests as well; how could the descendents of Ulysses fail to honor the bow, the most intelligent killing device ever created by man? 
     And of course, the games concluded with the hand-to-hand events: boxing, wrestling, and my personal favorite, pankration (meaning, of course, 'all weapons'--i.e., no-holds-barred).  The boxing contests were fought with brutal wooden or metal scales laced to the knuckles to make each blow potentially deadly, not to mention skin-ripping agony.  Contests were concluded when someone couldn't get up.  Pankration permitted striking and grappling both.  Wrestling may or may not have been limited to the 'Greco-Roman' style of grappling, with holds limited to above-the-waist.  Wrestlers and pankraters were permitted to tap out when they couldn't take the pain of a hold, but don't think of these guys as sissies like you and me. 
     The records tell of one wrestler who got ahold of his opponent's leg on the ground, and was busy breaking his ankle, when the opponent threw an arm around his throat and squeezed; they both struggled like this for some time, until finally the one whose leg was trapped tapped out.  Since they were the finalists, his opponent was the victor not merely in the match, but the Olympic Champion.  Unfortunately, the defeated man (whose ankle was broken) had crushed the winners windpipe; in a matter of minutes, he suffocated, choking to death on his own blood.  Still, his opponent had tapped out, and he had won.  They put the traditional victor's laurel wreath on his brow, and carried his corpse on a stretcher around the stadium to the victor's platform where it was displayed to the cheers of the crowd.  Now, I'm not advocating a return to gladiatorial combat--human life deserves more respect than that--but this gives you an idea of the nature of the contests that caused the Greeks to cancel their wars for the Olympics.  Remember:  Olympic athletes were not amateurs, they were mostly professional athletes who made a living from competing and teaching, and they were also soldiers on leave, every one--as every Greek man, of whatever age, was considered a reserve soldier bound to be called up in the event of war;  all except the Spartans, of course, who were on active duty all their adult life. 
     Now, some modern Olympic events still offer the opportunity to deter warmongers and aggressors by demonstrating military prowess.  George S. Patton, e.g., trained to compete in the modern pentathlon, an event meant to test the skills of a military courier of the 19th century: cross-country running, swimming, horse-riding, fencing, and pistol shooting.  While an admirable beginning, this is simply not enough, and in any event is a little passe.  The fencing skill tested is classic european sabre fencing, and the modern soldier is unlikely to possess such a weapon on the battlefield.  He would be far more likely to find himself forced to fight with a knife or club, were he to run out of ammunition. 
     Of course, as Patton observed, it would be shameful to allow any skill created by the human race to be totally lost--an argument he used to justify the study of military equitage, itself a combat skill of once-immense value, still taught and preserved by the Spanish Riding Academy of Vienna.  But Patton would have also loved to see the introduction of some of the more modern martial skills which he himself mastered into Olympic competition. 
     Thus, shooting compettion ought not be limited to free-style rifle shooting, trap & skeet shotgunning, and small-bore free-pistol shooting.  We ought to demand the inclusion of more combat-oriented shooting competition of the types at which warriors in general, and we Americans in particular, have traditionally excelled, such as quick-draw combat pistol shooting with large-bore combat pistols;  long-range high-power rifle shooting at concealed and moving targets, such as are found on the battlefield (this has been done for decades in military matches such as those conducted by NATO--the LeClerc Matches and others);  and competition with submachineguns and automatic rifles which have become popular in America over the last three decades.  Also, of course, competition with the vehicle-mounted machinegun and tank cannon, as well as races over long, rough courses driven by all kinds of military vehicles including tanks, armored troop carriers, scout cars, and motorcycles. 
     The Baja 1000 is a wonderful example of this type of racing, as is the Baker-to-Vegas cross-country motorcycle race; we just need to add some categories for tracked and armored vehicles.  My father and uncles trained under Gen. Patton at the Desert Warfare Center in the Mojave Desert in 1942, and I'm sure they would have preferred facing off against German teams there, in peacetime, for a trophy,  rather than in the North African Desert in deadly earnest, as they wound up doing in 1943.  Perhaps the Germans wouldn't have been so quick to start a war if they had been beaten by Americans not merely in footraces and boxing (remember Jesse Owens and Joe Louis ?) but in such events as cross-country tankmanship and target shooting with the heavy machinegun from a moving tank (a skill at which my uncle excelled, and which Gen. Patton considered even more important than long-range cannon gunnery). 
     Well, I could go on and on, but you get the idea.  Sports are fun, and fun has its place, but sports can also contribute mightily to the preservation of WORLD PEACE by constantly reminding the worlds' would-be bullies that they aren't the only people who can fight.  The Greek hoplites would never have wasted their time with ping-pong.
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AMERICANS FIGHT TO MAKE THE WORLD A SAFE PLACE FOR DECENT FOLKS TO RAISE THEIR KIDS--"THERE IS NO END TO THIS STORY"--AN HOMAGE TO SAM FULLER, DEDICATED TO THE UNITED STATES INFANTRY

      I just watched an old movie on the VCR with my nephew and a couple of neighbor kids.  It was "The Steel Helmet" (1950), written and directed by Sam Fuller, a brutally honest depiction of the then-raging Korean War.  But this is not a movie review--I'll do that another time. 
     This is a reflection on the men depicted in the film, the men to whom the film was dedicated by Fuller:  the opening shot shows news footage of GIs in Korea, marching somewhere, looking very tired as they slog single-file down a dusty road, weapons slung indicating they are not in contact, just on the way there.  I am reminded of the line by Bill Mauldin: "You get just as tired advancing as retreating, and you get shot at both ways."  As the men plod along, Fuller overlays this credit:          "THIS FILM IS DEDICATED TO THE UNITED STATES INFANTRY"  
     What follows is a character-study of the men in an American patrol in the alternate boredom and hell of war.  The film contains far too much quiet conversation for the taste of the kids (ages 13, 18, 22), some of it comic relief worthy of Shakespeare, some of it pure cinema verite/slice of life realism.  Fuller uses his characters' dialogue to address such dynamite hot-button issues as racism, patriotism, loyalty, morality, and incompetent leaders without ever being preachy--always by letting the action raise the topics, and letting the men react to them as they naturally would.  Not a word rings false. 
     The youngsters put up with the talking heads because, as with all Fuller films, it is only a prelude to slam-bang action depicting the highest drama of which life is capable:  a life-and-death struggle between evil men fighting to conquer, and good men fighting to protect, the innocent.   Of course, Fuller made this film in 1950, for an audience of all ages from 6 to 90, including combat veterans of two world wars; he wasn't constrained by the attention-span of video-game addicted 21st century teenage boys.  On one level, the film works as an action-adventure; but because Fuller was Fuller, it also addresses a key question of moral import:  Why Do We Americans Go Overseas and Fight Wars? 
     The first time I saw this movie it made quite an impression on me.  I was about 8 years old, and I saw it with my father in a theater.  The last frame of the film shows more American GIs, different yet essentially the same as the ones we saw in the first frame,  again marching to battle, and instead of the the customary "THE END" Fuller puts up the tag: 
                                                 "THERE IS NO END TO THIS STORY" 
     I remember asking my father: "Dad, why does it say "There is no end to this story?"  Does it mean there are always gonna be wars?"  My father replied: "Yeah, it means that.  But it means more, too.  It means we Americans are always gonna have to go overseas and fight Bad Guys who want to conquer the world--Bad Guys like the Nazis and the Commies."  "Why do they want to conquer the world?"  "Because they're Bad Guys--that's just the way they are.  That's why they're Bad Guys."  "Why do we have to fight them?  Why don't people over there fight them?"  "They do, son, but they can't beat 'em without our help--the World Wars proved that.  We have to beat 'em over there, not wait till they get over here.  You're never safe from Bad Guys no matter how far away they are--they never want to stop conquering people until they've conquered everybody.  That's why you have to be strong."  "Is that why we have to have an army even in peacetime?"  "The only reason it's peacetime now is because we've got the  strongest army in the world.  And Atomic Bombs.  That's how President Eisenhower made the Commies stop fighting in Korea--because we've got Atomic Bombs.  Ike understands the Commies.  As long as we've got the strongest army, there'll be peace." 
     No further explanation was necessary, because it was obvious even to my 8-year old mind why our strength--America's strength--ensured peace: we Americans--me, my father, my uncles, my grandfather, my mother and my aunts--we all wanted peace.  We didn't want anything else.  Well, just "...liberty and justice for all."  We were Good Guys.  We, the American people, and my family--this was no idle boast, nor any purely theoretical proposition. 
     My father and my uncles--all of them except Uncle Dave who had a bad heart, had fought in WWII.  My grandfathers had fought in WWI.  Uncle Ray had just fought in Korea.  Most had been wounded, some crippled, one killed.  None of my family, and no one in America, had benefitted in any way from the wars they had fought in, or had expected to.  Nobody made a fortune, received a house or a piece of land, or got a job as a result of fighting in the war.  They had fought, as Americans have always fought, simply in order to be able to return home to their families and allowed by our erstwhile enemies to resume living in peace. 
     Even at the age of 8, I knew--because it had been explained to my by my parents, aunts and uncles--why they had had to go and fight: to stop the Nazis and the Japs ('Japs' had the same relationship to 'Japanese' as 'Nazis' did to 'Germans'--it meant Bad Guys with guns and bombs), who were trying to conquer the world by massacre and slaughter.  Then we had to stop the Commies who were trying to do the same in order to enslave everyone, including us.  I have since been taught to use the terms 'genocide' and 'totalitarianism' to describe the aims of these systems, but these words do not convey the emotional impact--nor, indeed, are they as literally accurate--as 'massacre', 'slaughter' and 'slavery'.  This, then, was what I knew my father and uncles and grandfathers had been fighting against.  This was why they had had to go overseas and fight and kill and get wounded and crippled and die.  And their victory over our enemies was the only reason I was alive.  And a lot of other people around the world, as well.  This was why they had fought. 
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PRES. BUSH, APPOINT A SPECIAL PROSECUTOR TO INVESTIGATE THE BUST-OUT OF AMERICA'S BANKS!

    When a bank makes a bad loan, it loses money.  When it makes a lot of bad loans, it loses a lot of money.  But that doesn't necessarily mean it fails--becomes insolvent; closes its doors; goes out of business forever, with its depositors  losing money, its shareholders losing all their money, and its employees losing their jobs. 
     Lots of banks have lost a lot of money recently in the real estate loan business due to the decline in real estate values, and the sub-prime (read: stupid) loans they made over the last few years when idiots and young 'loan facilitators' getting paid on commission wanted to make every loan work, even if the borrower couldn't document his/her income, even if they couldn't document that he had a job, or that the property in question was worth the amount of the loan; after all, wasn't everything going to go up, fast, a lot, forever? 
     But that doesn't mean all those banks are going to go broke--they'll just have to 'work out' their problems, renegotiating those loans where borrowers can reasonably keep current if the loan amount is reduced to reflect the property's real current value (always better than foreclosing and reselling a vacant house or building), or foreclosing if the flake just can't/won't make payments, period. 
     But not all those banks are going to get the chance to work out their problems; apparently, some are being 'busted out' by somebody in a position to do so, and that leads us to ask why they are doing so--and offer a little speculation as to possible reasons, and implications--for us... What do I mean by 'busted out'?  Well, when the mob--or some other gangster--gets their hooks into a legit business, they often don't just settle for embezzling the cash and stealing the merchandise out of the warehouse, they often go for broke, using the company's name and credit to rob suppliers and lenders and thus enrich themselves to the max, leaving the legal owners on the hook when the doors are shut for good.  This is 'busting out' a business. 
     But there are even more sophisticated ways of busting out a business; for example, by massive stock fraud or other financial manipulation that can take a profitable business and reduce it to a seemingly worthless shell, ripe for takeover at pennies on the dollar of its real value.  This is another form of busting out a business.  Has this been happening to American banks?  Is it going to happen to more of them?  
     I recently read a fascinating article relating to the recent destruction of Bear Stearns, a financial company once thought an icon of American investment savvy, and a gold-plated blue-chip stock worth, only a year ago, $156 per share.  Financial analysts valued it at an actual book value of $55 Billion, making its stock worth theoretically $220 per share.  Yet, when it was closed and ordered sold to its rival, J.P. Morgan, its shareholders were offerred only $2 per share--and were only able to force that up to $10 per share by threat of lawsuit!  How did this happen?  There are those who believe it was the result of elaborate stock manipulation and fraud, and they marshall considerable evidence to make their case--see, e.g., Ellen Brown at globalresearch.ca/PrintArticle.php?articleId=8974 for an extensive presentation of this case. 
     PRESIDENT BUSH: APPOINT A SPECIAL PROSECUTOR NOW TO INVESTIGATE THE POSSIBLE BUST-OUT OF AMERICA'S BANKS!
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PRES. BUSH, DECLARE A NATIONAL BANK HOLIDAY NOW!

    Today I listened to Americans calling a local radio talk show ('John and Ken' on KFI 640 AM) report their experiences as they attempted to access their own money in their own bank accounts in an American bank in Pasadena, California, USA, ten days after the Fourth of July in our 232nd year of independence.  One man, "...over 60 years old, like most of the people there..." described standing in line for over 9 hours in 90* heat waiting to get inside the bank--now operated by employees of the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporaation.  They were all given numbers, and told to wait their turn.  He was #77.  The feds only managed (in 9 hours!) to get up to #68.  All the rest were told to "come back tomorrow."   But at least, the federal employees brought paper cups of water out to the 'senior citizens' standing in line, waiting to see if they still have their life's savings, and if the federal government will let them get their hands on their own money.
     One man--one of the lucky ones who got inside--described attempting to withdraw his savings: an IRA account worth $360,000.  He was allowed to withdraw $98,000.  He doesn't know what will become of the other $262,000; neither would anyone tell him the tax consequences of his withdrawal.  There are reportedly over 10,000 accounts at this bank exceeding the FDIC limit of $100,000 on deposit per depositor. 
     In 1933, one of the first things FDR did was declare a bank holiday so that the people would know that those banks that were allowed to reopen  were SAFE  places to deposit their money.  It has now become absolutely necessary to duplicate that action NOW.
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ATTENTION ALL EARTHMEN! JOIN THE CLINGON EMPIRE!

     CHECK OUT CLINGONS.BLOGTOWNHALL.COM
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